


Secrets Better Kept

by chicago_ruth



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Dubious Consent, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-10
Updated: 2012-04-10
Packaged: 2017-11-03 09:26:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/379865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chicago_ruth/pseuds/chicago_ruth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin and Morgana's relationship hasn't been healthy in a long time. Sci Fi AU. Written for merlin_games.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secrets Better Kept

**Author's Note:**

> Contains mild asphyxiation. 
> 
> For merlin_games; original prompt was "Emotional Manipulation."

After that, nothing is the same.

\--

She smiles at him, just a small curve of her mouth, though her eyes stay cold. _It wasn't my fault,_ he tries to tell her, but it doesn't make a difference.

"Merlin, why don't you sit here?" she points to the spot in front of her, to the amusement of all their -- his -- her -- their friends. He puts on a smile of his own, counters, "You just can't keep your hands off me, Morgana," and sits on the floor where she pointed. When he tries to lean against the couch, her feet push against his back.

Arthur makes a whipping gesture and Gwaine laughs, loud and real; Merlin adds a fake, tinny laugh of his own. 

\--

There's a beauty, an art, to how Arthur speaks to a group of people. Merlin watches him with pride and hurt, all balled up inside him. To his right, Gwaine rolls his eyes. On the stage, standing just slightly behind and to the left of Arthur, stands Morgana. She shows all the appropriate emotions at Arthur's words.

"Just one-hundred years ago, people tried to argue that weapons didn't cause damage, that only people caused damage. That may be so, but we know what kind of devastation people can wreak with weapons. And now corporations want to turn the human body into a weapon -- have already done this kind of heinous human experimentation.

"But no more! We have a duty to stand up for what's right! Say _no_ to these acts of inhumanity!"

The crowd cheers. Morgana's hand twitches, but makes no further move. Merlin relaxes in his stance, until her eyes seek his out. The hatred in them causes him to stumble into Gwaine.

"Let's get out of here," Gwaine mumbles, and Merlin wants to agree, but he shakes his head. "I'm meeting with Morgana after this."

"Of course you are."

_Of course I am._

\--

"I seem to have forgotten my purse at home," Morgana says after the others have all paid. She holds her handbag open for Merlin to see: her royal blue wallet, lying right in the center. "Do you think you could pay for me?"

_I'm sorry_ , he doesn't say, but he hands his card to the cashier and bites his lip when the total shows. 

"Thank you, darling," she says, and traces the length of his arm with her fingernails.

\--

The shopping center is quiet for a Friday afternoon. The food court is almost deserted, and though Gwen tries to keep conversation going, Merlin isn't in the mood to play along. 

Finally she gives up and sighs. "I hate this."

"Hate what?"

"This fighting. Sometimes I wish enhancers had never been invented, then we wouldn't have all these damned arguments."

Merlin knows what she really means: if it weren't for enhancers, her father would be alive. 

"But, since we can't change the past, I really wish Uther weren't pushing the government into such a frenzy against them." She looks him square in the eye. "Enhancers have saved lives, right?"

His voice catches in his throat. After a few moments, Merlin nods.

He needs to keep telling himself that. _Enhancers have saved lives._

\--

"Be careful with that knife, Merlin, you wouldn't want to accidentally hurt somebody."

Her voice startles him into cutting into his own finger. He hisses loudly and drops the knife. The blood trails down his finger and onto the apple, red on red.

"What did I tell you?" Morgana chastises. She comes to stand next to him and lifts his bleeding hand up to her mouth. The kiss does nothing to sooth the sting; when she lowers his hand, her lips are stained with blood.

_What happened to you,_ he wants to ask, but he knows the answer.

\--

"Is everything all right with you and Morgana?" Arthur asks one night, when they're both too drunk to remember that they don't talk about feelings.

The news -- they can't find the remote and they're too lazy to get up to change the channel -- plays a clip about an anti-enhancer protest happening in Germany. Merlin closes his eyes so he can't read the subtitles. "Yeah," he answers, "we're perfect."

They are so far from perfect, but Merlin knows better than to tell him that. The truth hurts Merlin enough as it is -- he doesn't need more accusing eyes sent his way. There are more than enough on him already.

\--

The party is too loud, celebrating Arthur's latest victory. Merlin wants to cheer too, wants to pretend that he's happy, but he can't find it in himself to do even that. 

Morgana notices. "This is what you wanted, isn't it?" The sharp sarcasm in her voice cuts deeper than a knife.

He shakes his head. "You know it isn't."

It's too late for explanations. Of that much, Merlin is certain. He only hopes that there is room for forgiveness.

\--

Gwen leaves. She can't support Arthur's choice, she says, and she's tired of being second in his life. Nobody is too surprised, not after Lance came back, but Merlin begs her to reconsider.

"I need you here."

Gwen looks at him, considering. "I'm worried about you, Merlin. That thing with Morgana… it has to stop. Whatever she's doing to you, it isn't good."

His body freezes. Gwen _knows_. "It's none of your business," he says quietly.

Gwen takes a hold of his hand. "I care about you, and if I thought I could do anything to help, I would stay, but… Morgana is poison, Merlin. The woman who was once my friend is gone. Please, just open your eyes."

Merlin's eyes are wide open as he watches Gwen step out of his flat.

\--

Sometimes, when they're alone, Merlin can pretend nothing ever happened. He kisses the inside of her thigh, mouths at her cunt, and thinks of how she used to smile at him.

"Good boy," she sighs, and the illusion shatters.

They both know he's anything but good.

\--

"What I want to know is why you're letting her do this to you!" Gwaine shouts. His fist twitches, showing off the barely contained rage that is typical of Gwaine.

Merlin shrugs. "You wouldn't understand."

"What I understand is that you're miserable, Merlin!" His hand slams against the wall; one of the hanging picture frames jostles. It's the picture of Merlin, Arthur, Morgana, and Gwen, from before everything started spiraling downhill. Merlin thinks he'll throw it away after this, because the memory is more painful now than anything else.

Gwaine lowers his arms and steps close enough for Merlin to feel his breath. "Merlin, please. Everybody is worried about you. This isn't healthy." His expression softens, and it's almost enough to make Merlin break.

"About as healthy as drinking yourself into a stupor every other evening," Merlin says instead, hating himself for the hurt that flashes across Gwaine's face, for the loud slam of the door as Gwaine storms out.

Merlin doesn't deserve friends anyway.

\--

Morgana's hands press down against his throat, cutting off his breath even as she rides him. He could come like this, trying to gasp for air and seeing the gleeful, manic look in her eyes as he fails.

"This isn't even close to what it felt like," she thrusts down hard and squeezes, "because there was no easy out for me." She loosens her hold, just a little, enough for oxygen to reach him and the spots to recede from his vision. "Beg me!"

Merlin feels the tears in his eyes, and wonders if it's the lack of air or something else. "I'm sorry."

She curls her nails into his neck, a new sensation to mix with the pleasure and dizziness. "No! I said, beg!"

But he can't beg for his life, because it's hardly fair. Morgana didn't have a chance to beg for hers.

\--

Merlin held her down and forced the liquid into her mouth, pouring and pouring until she had no choice but to swallow.

"It's the only way," he told her, clasping a hand over her mouth before she could spit any of it out. "I know it's not your fault, but the programming-- there's no other way to save everybody."

The drug kicked in five minutes later: Morgana's struggling changed into convulsing, the enhancers within her reacting violently against the drug. Merlin pulled his hand away, scrambled off her body and kept repeating, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

He should have stopped Morgause from taking her. He should have helped her realize her visions were from neural implants. He should have --

\--

"You'll never tell anybody about me," Morgana says, "because I know your secret. You're a murderer, Merlin."

"I'll never tell anybody about you," Merlin repeats, _because everything is my fault._


End file.
